Dear Ultimate-guitar.com,

I was perusing your selection recently, and I noticed that Wallis Bird finally had some chords posted. Thrilled at the opportunity, I stopped in to try them out. I had been waiting quite a while for someone to tab The Circle, so my excitement was to be expected. Much to my dismay, the chords sucked ass. As a result of this, I got pissed and tabbed the fucker myself. I hope you put my tabs up soon, so as to avoid this emotion in other users.

Sincerely,
Emmy

Choices, choices... to blog or to write my history internal assessment... by now it should be apparent which one I've made. So when my history teacher asks me for my presentation, I can proudly step in front of the class and say something along the lines of this:

And on the quiz he gives us;

He may ask for my sources, to which I would reply;

... I'm bored. Not bored as in bored, I mean I have things to do, I just don't want to do them. I feel like reading, but not the books they give us for school. I want to read The Elegant Universe, and Running With Scissors, and How Green Was My Valley...

I think I'm getting old... and I know I'm not, but yesterday my sister (the 6 year old) was looking at baby pictures of me and she said "wow! I didn't think you had colored cameras back then!" ...

Speaking of my sister, she's learning how to spell. She got out her magna-doodle and wrote Kat. I said, actually honey, it's a C. So she wrote Kac. :D And then she wrote Dag. So everbody, watch out for those kacs and dags... they'll get ya. :P

She spells in computer language. She wrote U R A Dk. Which translated to "you are a dork". Thankfully...

She also managed to write "No Berds" <3>

She rounded off the writing day by spelling "honk" and then left to play outside... and now I'm sitting here procrastinating. ... end post.

P.S. September 27th, Heidelberger Herbst Marktplatz, 8pm. Wallis Bird. Monni? GRRRRRRRRRRRAWR. If y'all haven't heard of this angel in song, check her out. www.myspace.com/wallisbird

Today

People on the tram, and people in general, should really learn to accept the fact that they fucked up and move on with life. Scene: on the express tram, doesnt stop at all stops. guy gets on wearing red converse. I smile because I have the same shoes (not at him, just... i smiled). tram starts to go.

Either this guy didn't notice, or thought he was some sort of Jesus walkin' on water... getting off of express trams whereverthefuck he wants... He walked up and pushed the button for the door to open. It didn't open (cause ... it wasnt supposed to). He pushed it vigorously in some sort of panic, and then when the tram passed his stop he yelled "ah SCHEISSE!!!!!!!!" and a bunch of other naughty words, went around stomping his feet, and finally settled for leaning against the wall, cursing under his breath, and pouting. When the tram stopped, he literally (not figuratively, or biblically) LAUNCHED out of the tram, knocking several other people out of his way, and ran over to the other side of the tracks to go back only to notice that the next tram didnt come for 7 more minutes.

Lesson learned: dont judge a person by their shoes. just because he has red converse does not negate the fact that he could, in fact, be an ax murderer ready to chop your head off at the ... push of a button!

I mean, for s'doG sake, the tram fucking SAYS "*ping* fahrzeug ohne halt bis [whatever]strasse" ... just accept that you've made a fucking fool of yourself, and move on! Not like its the first time it's ever happened! Example: me! *gets on bus* *bus starts going* oh... shit. this is the wrong direction. *pushes button* *gets off* *walks back* ... that simple buddy! dont aggravate me at 7 in the morning!!!!

anyway:

1. I have a history test tomorrow. Fuck.
2. We're not allowed to use laptops in German anymore, so here's to another year of losing all of the papers. Fuck.
3. I have a cold. Fuck.
4. I've just invented the new way of sending telegrams. Fuck.

on the bright side, it's almost Friday! And then I can sleep kinda until I write my history internal assessment and ... yeah. I'm going to bed.

I Love

I love my math teacher. He's so freaking awesome! I've had him for the past three years, cause ... 100 secondary (grade 6 and up) students and 3 math teachers... whatcha gonna do? lol. I hated him for the first year, basically because he was right, and now I'm willing to admit that :D But anyway, just to give you a taste of what makes math fun, here are a few quotes;

enter: class consisting of J, E, S, A, and me. Mr. E. is already there.

J: Mr. E! I was in Sri Lanka over the holidays and I learned something. Do you know where Elephants gen....gen...gentiles are?

(mind this is a 19 year old student. He looks like an ass already)

Mr. E.: well I dont know, i havent really looked that closely, but first may i ask what you mean by gentiles because i doubt youre referencing israel...

J: you know... the balls

Mr. E: oh, you mean genitals. go on.

J: it's on their head! cause you know how they have this ... split shape. Thats where their gent...genitals are.

(entire class erupts in laughter and explains to poor J that they wouldnt be on an elephants head and that a big group of sri lankans were having quite the laugh, probably still)

Mr. E: brings whole new meaning to calling someone a dickhead...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr E *throws pen at J*: nice color on this one

J *clicks pen to open*: OW what the hell?!

(apparently he had a pen that shocks you when you try to open it. i tried it!!! it's awesome. only then your arm hurts a little.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaaaanyway, i'll add more later cause this is all i can remember now, i mean its only been like 4 days that we've had math. im sure he'll say something else hysterical. And now im gonna go do homowork.... maybe.

So I had this weirdass dream lastnight… usually I can figure out what dreams mean, and I mean strange dreams. I’ve been trained by the best! (my mom) But this one is weird. So… here it goes (help me!!!);

I was driving with my grandma and grandpa… actually I’m not even sure if I was there or if I was just floating like camera view on what they were doing… anyway we drove to this place that was like a car parts / accessories shop on the outside and my grandma for some reason wanted to pick up more seat covers because like… their car was rare and about to go out of production or something.

So my grandpa went looking around and wandered inside, and my grandma could only find one seat cover that was for her car, so she and I went inside to buy it and found my grandpa, only now the inside of the building was somewhat like a bank/post office/ restaurant… and on the way inside, like as I was going in the door, I was like “hey! There’s Ora!” and she’s my… my grandpa’s brothers wife. She was walking out of the building.

Okay, I feel the need to describe the scenery before I get any further. It was in a parking lot that was bordered by this little gardenish thing, you know, like they have in popular shopping areas, basically just an excuse for red bark and bushes and a couple tiny trees. The building was one level and it had a roof the same color as the bark, the windows were tinted and the roof hung over the entry way so that the little sidewalk was covered. The pavement for the actual parking lot was new, and black with white parking space lines as usual. The sidewalk in front of the store leading in was made of that pavement with little pebbles in it, … im bad at describing.

Aaanyway, we went in the building and my grandpa’s brothers wife went out which meant my grandpas brother was around somewhere. We didn’t see him, but when we went into the restaurant part we saw OMG BON AND ROSE!!! … and I totally knew them! They were like some older relations to me, my grandparents relatives or something. I had known them forever! They were really good friends of mine.

Bon and Rose??? WTF. I have no clue who they are. Don’t even know anyone by those names.
Anyway, Rose (around 75 or older) was sick. She had been sick for a while, she had gray hair that was cut short like most old ladies and not curly, just flat. She was wearing a white cardigan and a pink shirt underneath with a pearl necklace. At first her and Bon were sitting on this elevated platform with a few other people at their table eating, but then I started wandering around, and went over by the window.

It was really dark, and I sat down in a booth instead of a table, and rose came over. She was wearing glasses now and a silver watch. She sat down with me and we started talking. I’d like to reiterate the fact that it was SO DARK. Basically only shadows and a little color. We started talking and I got really sad. Like she was going to die or something.

Somewhere in the chat I found out that this girl I really really liked (and… again a Bon and Rose moment… who?) was taking my step sister out to a baseball game… only the girl that I supposedly liked was like between 20 and 25 and my stepsister is 15… but still I guess that’s okay in dreams. Anyway, they went out and I got insanely jealous and went to the baseball game in time to see the girl putting a baseball hat on my stepsis cutely and I got even more jealous and left cause I was pissed because she was supposed to like me and even though it wasn’t exactly a date, I KNEW it was. It HAD to be, but this wasn’t specified.

Then I went back to the restaurant and they were sitting in the booth that I was in with Rose before, and my dad came there to pick me up but they didn’t have to leave (she’s fifteen!!!) so I left and outside of the windows as I was leaving, the restaurant had turned into this two story house with a balcony and out the balcony window I saw the light from a lamp and that was the only light on in the house… then I was still pissed because my stepsister stole my girl and I didn’t even get to talk to her…

Yeah… uhm then I woke up and was very very confused. Im so sorry this is so long… But I need help. Lol.

The first day of school was totally.... the first day of school. Skinny white guy still insisting he's a pimp, teachers throwing piles of homework at us, smaller children running around in the new school uniform.


My school is turning into a dictatorship. Which isn't a good thing considering what country we live in. Our director gave us the ol' opening day speech and talked about how the olympics blah blah blah, and he said how "but you can tell they're all from one place, one team, for two reasons. The flag at the front, and most importantly, their uniform. they unite them and make them one"

... which is the point I decided not to wear them. I mean, next they're gonna be coming up with a secret salute and code word or something and somebody's gonna get shoosted.

Speaking of shoosting, there's this kid, we'll call him Jurgen von Strangle (not real name). He looks and acts exactly like Tim from Die Welle. If you haven't seen it, do. Its horribly horrible in a good way. Spoiler alert, here's timmy from D W





Anyway, the school decided to go organic, so now we have lots of nummy odd colored food. I dont really care as long as its food. Its better than the hospital food we had in the past. Not as pre-digested looking.

I've decided that boys are more fun than most girls to hang out with. I always sat on the side of the class where the dudes were, not on purpose, but... thats how it happened.

By the way, must I always be embarassed in math? Im ALWAYS the only one who does my homework, and i understood clearly that the final deadline for our project was the day we got back, so i walked in, put the paper on his desk, and every one else said "oh shit". Further, the director decided to come in and make an ass of me by saying "did you all hear about last years IB results?" us: "yeah" him: "well its possible for you all. just ask [me] what time she came in this morning" ...

... it was an accident!!! School starts at 8, I didn't mean to get there at 7:10!!! It just happened! I had extra stuff to carry, so I had to leave early... not like I accomplished anything. I dropped the stuff off and took a walk. Woo.

Lucky for me all of the boys I hated decided to repeat the year. HAH. Good.

And now for the chronicles of ... let's name her Gidget.

All last year, she was quite the show. You may have heard of her. She's this american girl who is COMPLETELY gay, and wont admit it. She has a boyfriend, and as of christmas she's been engaged. ... i know some people do it, but she's 18! I just think she's giving up a hell of a lot of life. Anyway, the engagement ring: diamond? no. Ruby? no. it was rainbow. In little tiny stones of different colors, rainbow all the way around. Such a queer. Not to mention she wears her "boyfriends" pink and wintermint green flannel shirt pretty often... whatever.



She's got this .... thing. How....she......well, she..... talk.....speaks like.....as if she is always......try....attempting to sound.... appear smart..... with a .... .wealth of .... knowledge.





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH



But Im nice so she talks to me.



AAAAAAAAAAH lol okay i dont really care, she's okay, just very very annoying.



Aaaaaaanyway, she walked in this morning and promptly spilled her water all over the floor. She said, in squidward tone, "well.... at least it was water"



*Scratches head*

There's only really one thing I feel guilty about and that's not being able to spend as much time with family because I have to do homework. A lot of homework. Most of the IB seems like it's done at home. I mean, here's a crappy webcam pic of my schedule... just the important things that are due in the first 8 months ... and oh so much drafting.

Oh, and it's sideways... but you get the point.

I want to spend time with them, it's my last year here. I'm pretty close with my mom, and my little sis is my baby... I just cant help but think that I'm not trying hard enough to get everything done so I can spend my last few months with the people I love... and there's the emo moment of the day brought to you from one god damned lucky kid

On a side note, I'm legal in 3 months and 4 days. Count it. :)... : / Scary.

I have to go back to school tomorrow

Oh my god... oh my god oh my god I just finished my Extended Essay!!!! HOLY SHIT! That was... I think the most work I've done in my life... yeah, probably. I feel so accomplished! Yay! I'm not done yet, I mean, editing and all, but the whole first draft is done! 4000 words! Actually 4,172 words, so I'll have to cut it down! Go ahead college people, laugh all you want at the silly little senior writing the silly little 4000 word essay, but I DID IT! WOO! I was this close to just dropping it! Okay, on account of my happy feelings, free music for everybody!

I found this band the other day... actually liz feldmans music lady found it, but its cool! This guy is from Seattle, so I'm patriotic. I actually haven't listened to it much yet, but he's from Seattle, it has to be good! But if you go to his myspace there are 4 awesome free downloads. HURRY!!! www.myspace.com/michaelbenjaminlerner GO GO GO GO! The music lady said it sounds like tegan and sara a little, and it really does! so if you like them, only boy version, go for it!

Oh, and when I was camping there was this guy mopping the floor in the bathroom and I saw something hysterical, so I waited for my stepsis to get done in the potty and it went as follows:

me: omg did you see that?!

her: what?

me: that guys bucket! It totally looks like a dude falling on bacon!!!

her: hahaha it does!

me: should i go take a picture of it???

her: GO!

me: sir, may i take a picture of your bucket?

him: ... uh... sure?

me: *kneeling down taking picture*

her: she thinks it looks like a guy falling on bacon

...

that guy laughed so hard. it was amazing. here's the picture!!!

CAUTION: The floor is BACON

Why is it that when you (or... I) are studying for some major project, you lose track of time, resulting in you forgetting to eat / that you are hungry / that you have the ability to eat? And then since you didnt eat your head starts to hurt, and then since you have low blood sugar you begin to hate everything, and then you remember to eat, but you don't have time to eat something healthy because that would involve walking to the fridge, but you have to eat so you spy that bag of candy sitting across from you, and you grab it and eat it, which only makes your head hurt worse, only now you're shaking because you just ate so much sugar, and then you decide to work again but you cant concentrate no matter how high you blast the classical music, so you get up and make yourself a cup of tea and something made of food to eat, which effectively is just taking more of the time you thought you were going to study, so you blog about it in one giant run on sentence because you figure that since you've already wasted time making yourself something edible to eat and not doing your homework that your graduation depends on, why not just keep going and tell everyone about what a procrastinating ball of mixed emotions and spastic adhd type of behavior you really are...

... what?

Oh... my.... god. OH MY GOD!!! WHO INVENTED THESE?!?!?!!!?!?!?!



Whoever invented these is a GENIUS!!! THESE are MAGICAL!!! I can't stop eating them! I need to stop eating them. I hate sugar!

Like you know those little marshmallow peeps? thats kinda like what these are, only these are harder but not too hard on the outside and not so marshmallowey on the inside. cause peeps are squishy but these are MAGIC!!!

I hate peeps. I really do, they make me sick. Not like having eaten them and then being sick, but just looking at them. I actually dont like marshthingies in general other than in between a graham cracker with chocolate in the middle.

But these are AMAZING. I'm in love. With a candy. That's not healthy. I know they say you gain weight after being in a relationship for a while, but honey, you aint seen nothin'. I'm gonna be shopping in the maternity section soon.

MAGIC!!! It's like going up and sitting on the sunset, given that it was possible, and eating the cotton candy out of the clouds, given that that is what they're made of.

I havent eaten this much sugar since i was like 6! or 12. I was quite the buffalo as a child. Oh and i have a feeling that this is screwing with my attention span and ability to do things correctly because i cant tell you how many words i've spelled wrong, even shugar. wtf. and now i'm probbably gonna regret this (see? i didnt correct myself. probb? wtf) but yeah... MAAAGIC!

My new favorite youtuber!





Wooo frezned.

Just a question, but WHY is postsecret so fucking depressing?!

Okay! Time for another update!

HI!!! So I'm home, have been for about a week... or... 5 days... I actually don't know. See, that's the thing about jet lag. It FUCKING SUCKS. I started traveling at 2 oclock in the afternoon, monday August 4th pacific time zone... and I landed tuesday august 5th at 2ish in ... whatever timezone this is. +1 i think, but whatever. There's 9 hours difference between here and where I was, but I was traveling for 22 hours. HOLY SHNIKEES! Basically, I have no clue whats going on.

Anyway, the airports were airports. I got to board first cause i had my guitar. SCORE. And then I flew forever next to hot latina who was only hot latina for the first 7 hours and then turned into her own rendition of the Three Witches. I mean, dayum girl... wash some of that makeup off. I'm not sure if it's supposed to drip like that.

Which is exactly why it confuses the hell out of me when people wear good clothes/ makeup / look good before a flight that long. It ALL goes away. There was this adorable boy in front of me. He was probably about my age, skinny as hell, tall, and wearing a purple and green man blouse and grey slacks with some sort of silver belt buckle that was too big. Even the cute little business shoes! And in the middle of the flight he whipped out this supersized professional photography camera and started taking pictures of the sunset. I thought he was adorable... I mean, he was so shy! and so smiley! and he dropped his pack of fruit shaped gummies so I picked them up for him. awwww. *squee*

Still doesnt pass the old lady with the died dark brown bob and the red suit (pencil skirt kind) wearing rouge, powder, and tinted glasses. She was fucking adorable. And, you may recall me saying this, but I need to say it again. We chatted in german until she got plastered and fell asleep face down in her wine cup. <3

In Frankfurt they changed our gate 3 times. I swear I was flying with the entire Indian contingent of the city of Bremen. And by the third gate change one of them had had enough and barfed all over the place. Whatever!

But I'm home now! And I enjoy the freedom.

...to FAIL REPEATEDLY

I've gone to the University library now two times to get a card. Each time they tell me I need something different. First, I needed just my passport and 10 euro. Then I need my passport, 10 euro, and a declaration stating my address. THEN I need my passport, 10 euro, a declaration stating my address, AND an official school registration form. HOLY FUCK. Don't think they could tell me all that when I'm THERE! When I go back, I'll bring all of the above, and just for kicks the kitchen sink that we have downstairs. When they question the sink, I say calmly, "give me my freaking card." I just want a book! I'll bring it back, I swear!

I'm gonna start an innitiative called FDD, Free Deoderant for Deutschland. Some people STANKY.

The owner of my chinese restaurant is at the olympics. I want my #433!

I also kinda feel like an Alsterwasser. Join me anyone?